Waiting, frustration, waiting, peace, waiting

I am assuming most of you know about Lost and Found Ministries, Inc. For any of you who don't...nutshell: it's a missions organization made up of two of my dear friends, and my cousin who is more of a twin sister than a distant cousin and me. Basic focus: organize and facilitate short term mission trips domestic and foreign for people of all ages.

LaF was born in a vision in 2002 while I was on a mission trip to Nicaragua with WEGO Ministries. At the initial time God laid it on my heart, my feeling was that LaF would be something "down the road" for me.

In 2004 on another mission trip, it became evident to me that LaF would be less "down the road" and more "in the near future"....I was thinking along the lines of when BigDaddy and I moved back from Germany.

In 2005 on another mission trip, it became evident that LaF would be even more "in the near future" and come together before BigDaddy and I moved back Stateside from Germany. Through a series of super cool God-timings and miracles, we had Articles of Incorporation, By-Laws and a Registered Agent for the State of Wyoming submitted to The Secretary of State by the end of 2005.

We officially became a Wyoming State recognized non-profit organization on January 6, 2006.

And now we wait...even still...to be a 501(c)(3) organization. We have had so many apparent open doors to this process, and worked hard on that scary huge packet of information ourselves, only to have those doors closed and be so discouraged. The last 3 years have been some ups and downs...and incredibly frustrating to me and to my ministry partners as well.

Last spring another door opened that has yet to close...and we really thought we would be THERE by the first of this year. Sometime around mid November, it became clear our first thoughts were wrong...that we would wait longer.

And then I started to doubt....and get frustrated.....and then I went back to the beginning, read through the timeline and realized that when the initial vision was given to me, "down the road" is what I was thinking...and somewhere along the line I got ahead of myself and have been thinking it should be "now" for the last 3 years.

Part of it is because I'm antsy to get going on what I know to be my heart's calling. I long to be on mission trips, to facilitate trips and see lives changed...the lives of those on the trips and the lives of those we minister to on the trips. I tear up when I see a mission trip video or see pictures and now that people are starting to talk about what will happen for summer trips this year, there is an aching inside me....that is what I LONG to do!

But our hands are tied as a ministry until we have non profit status in the eyes of the IRS.

And another part of it is there is a group of people who have come around us to support us and I feel like this waiting is letting them down. I feel like they are thinking at this point that we are dreamers without action. I feel like once it is our time, they will have moved on or will roll their eyes with "yeah...I will believe it when I see it." Those are my own insecurities, and I know that. They are hard insecurities to overcome. My personality is to follow through with what I said I will do and I don't want someone to think I'm not doing that, especially people I look up to.

And then...in the last two weeks through reading and reviewing this timeline and praying and listening to my pastor preach, something has become evident to me...

Three years of waiting is NOTHING in the realm of eternity and the time that He has for us to be doing this work when it is HIS TIME. And from all things going on right now, it is evident that this season right now is not HIS time for us to be working in that capacity.

I am feeling like I can relate a little to Abraham and Sarah. They were promised a son and more descendants than can be counted....and yet they grew old and it seemed physically impossible to them that what God had said would happen. And then, when they had lost all hope, God followed through on His promise. They never needed to doubt that what He told them would happen would indeed happen!

Sunday I went to church with one of my ministry partners who was in town this weekend. I almost didn't go because we had been out late with friends Saturday night and I was SO tired....but she said she would like to go with me if I went...and that cinched it. We went! And the sermon could have been addressed: T-Rae--this one is for YOU!

Salmon - God's Will from Shadow Lake Community Church on Vimeo.

It's there if you want to watch it.

So this week I am feeling a renewed sense of focus. I love the people who have supported us and I don't want to let them down, but that cannot be my focus. My focus has to be on God's will and God's timing and moving when the pillar of cloud moves and stopping when it stops. Right now apparently it is stopped. But that doesn't mean my relationship with my Savior or my day to day ministering has to stop...only that for right now, LaF is in a waiting period...perhaps a growing period or a preparation period. So....I now gladly wait with my three ministry partners and dear friends. I am excited for the time when that pillar of cloud starts moving and we can move forward!

Less like a playroom

and more like a living room!


The benefit of the age The SB has finally reached is that I can move all of HIS stuff into HIS room because he is able to play in there safely by himself with me checking on him once in a while. And he of course spends half the day running back and forth. We have some select toys in the hope chest in the living room but EVERYTHING ELSE is in his room....which is looking cute I think!


So he can play in his colorful, toy-laden bedroom...I can sit on the floor in there and play too OR I can sit in the living room in my gliding chair and feel like a grown-up in an adult's living space. His books, his picnic table and his rocking chair are all that are visible now in the living room. Organization and de-cluttering makes me feel relaxed. :)

The boy naps, so I am off to sit in my grown-up adult living space and crochet or read or do something relaxing....

In case you were wondering...

Just in case you were wondering...

I am STILL loving my Motivated Moms calendar. :)

I have a blog up my sleeve relating to this last week's sermon. Some thoughts still pinging around though. It was awesome. Have I mentioned how much I love Shadow Lake Community Church? Cause if I haven't...I LOVE IT. You should totally check out the sermons online there. This current series "Wild Kingdom" is awesome.

We have had text messaging quizzes right there during the sermon, sheep wearing diapers running lose and I have learned so much about some very interesting animals and seen how they reflect something about their Creator. It's so cool.

I'm totally jazzed about the leadership class I'm taking kicking off again. Unfortunately I will be gone for the first class in two weeks, but I can't wait to get back at it!

Anyway, there are some random tidbits for you. :)

Farewell Friend

Today back in my hometown, there are a lot of friends and family preparing to go to a funeral. I am too far away and won't be able to attend. I have only been to a handful of funerals in my life, but I find they help me with closure and saying good-bye. Since I am unable to attend today's funeral, I am posting a farewell blog.
This is how I remember Brian. He grew up across the dirt road from my house. He and his sister were our sole neighborhood playmates for years. Very few of my "country kid" memories do not include Brian. He was the youngest. I was the oldest, then my little brother, then Brian's sister Melissa, and then little Brian.

We went on so many imaginary adventures during those growing up years. I have been a wild horse, a cowgirl fighting indians, an indian fighting cowboys, an adventurer running from bad guys, a prairie girl surviving a cold winter and a detector investigating the latest crime against humanity all alongside Brian, Melissa and Danny. Where we lived our imagination was the limit for what adventures we could have. We even had a little Kids Against Pollution environmental club together. :)

Somewhere in a box there is a VHS home video of the four of us. The way I remember it is the three older kids jamming out on our guitars (or plastic tennis rackets...depending on how you looked at it) while we got Brian to sing "Splish Splash". Mostly we liked hearing how he said it. So we would start singing with him and then all stop so he would continue alone...

"Spish spash I was taking a bath......

(putting his little kid hands on his little kid hips and cocking his head to one side to properly get into his reprimanding stance)

.....you guys! You have to sing with me!"

Every time I think of that I can't help but smile or even laugh out loud. :)

As time went on we grew up and went our own ways. I haven't seen Brian in years. I would see his parents sometimes when I went home to visit. My brother sees his parents sometimes through work and our dads work together...but I can't pretend that we were close recently. Through Facebook I had "found" Brian and interacted through the social networking site. Mostly talking about the old times and looking through pictures to see what sort of young man my little blond childhood friend had grown to be.

From what I saw and observed, he appeared to be quite the band geek, which I can appreciate being a band geek myself. There are many who will attest to his soccer skills and his "shredding" on the mountain. I'm not much into winter sports such as skiing and snowboarding, so I don't know proper terms or even which Brian participated in, but he was a shredder according to his current friends. :) He had a smile that you couldn't help but smile back at and a mischievous glow and glitter in his eye.

Brian left us less than a week ago at 22 years old. I don't know details, nor do I need to or want to know. I do know that everyone preparing to go to his funeral today was not expecting to attend his funeral until many many maaany years later. The day I found out I was a mess. Mourning selfishly for myself, mourning as a big sister for his sister, mourning as a parent for his parents. Through the week at the strangest times something would hit me and I would cry for his loss or smile at his memory and the memories of others on his Facebook Memorial page. He is loved and he is missed.

Cecil, Cheryl and Melissa, I will always remember Brian fondly as part of my childhood. While I can't be there to properly say good-bye at his funeral, I am mourning his loss for you and with you from home.

This is my favorite "grown up" picture of Brian:

Farewell, my childhood friend.

Gotta give props

So...it is January 7th...which means I've been using my Motivated Moms planner for one full week.

I love it. Love love loooove love it.

This last week I have:

mopped floors
cleaned faucet fixtures
cleaned light fixtures
dusted entire house
cleaned the stove/oven
cleaned out the fridge
clipped dog toenails

On top of all the normal stuff I usually do every day-ish (vacuum, dishwasher, trash, etc).

And all of that stuff....has been so easy to do, not stressful at all and done quickly in the morning allowing me more than half a day of free time to blog, play with my boy.



So seriously, click on that little button and check it out. Use the code giveaways to get $1 off...making the planner $7 instead of $8. Even if you use it for only one week and decide it's not for you...it's only cost you $1/day. I will say that this planner is VERY worth that $7. :)

I will stop rambling about this planner if I ever decide it's not all that cool. :) Or when the novelty of being so clean and organized is gone. :)

Mourning change

For those of you who think that online forums are a waste of time or entirely too geeky for you, then you might not want to read this post. :)

There is a forum I found about a year and a half ago that I love. I have several "friends" there and have learned a lot about all sorts of things from breastfeeding to baby wearing to cloth diapering to making baby food to what the popular "it" bag is out there to how to meal plan to well...you get the idea. There was even a little "corner" of the forum devoted to spiritual discussions and there has been so much growth and encouragement in that area. :)

It used to be a forum community made up mostly of moms who were there because they loved the same product and stayed because they love talking about family, supporting each other and sharing knowledge/products/information.

There was always an underlying respect there and very few people involved were snitty and they usually didn't stick around long anyway because it wasn't the kind of forum where snittiness was "fed" so to speak.

Over the last 8 months I have seen a change in "my" beloved forum. It used to be someplace I enjoyed browsing and to be honest probably spent TOO MUCH time on there reading and replying to threads. It is now someplace I skim for the few posts that might interest me, read and rarely reply. The "old" forum readers are posting less and less as the newer generation comes in. And it's not so much about old vs. new as it is encouragement/uplifting/informative vs. complaining/snitty/greedy. It makes me sad. The owners of the company who make the product and host the forum are amazingly generous and indirectly this is pulling people who are out for freebies in to stay. There is no longer an undertone of respect and thankfulness for this company and their amazing generosity. There is now a feeling of expectation and obligation...as if this company "owes" the forum frequenters anything.

I imagine it is only a matter of time before I am only showing up for the new line reveals and staying fully away from any social threads of any kind. There are a few people from there I am in touch with outside of the forum and will happily continue to do so.

So geeky as it may be, I am mourning the change of a forum community that has honestly enriched my life for over a year. It has challenged me to look at both sides of various coins, to become a better mother, wife and friend and been a source of entertainment.

Reviving the blog!

It's only been eight months since I posted on this blog. ha. ha. ha.

I think it's time to revive it! I have missed writing about whatever strikes my fancy.

I just redid the layout and changed the picture and the font colors and changed/updated my side bar a bit....so come on in, look around and get re-acquainted!

Here are a couple posts that I put on the family blog that probably SHOULD have been on my personal blog. But instead of cross-posting them here, I am just posting the links....

About my new plan

Review of the plan after a couple days

So you will "see" me posting on this blog again! Check back. :)