One crazy ride...

I don't know if this post will even make much sense....but this has been one crazy week and I'm still trying to process my morning.

This is all good though.

In the past I have been someone who likes to KNOW I have a specific block of time set aside to really dig deep in bible study. I've always had a hard time with cutesie little five minute devotional books....oh how God must be smiling and shaking his head at me now! I say that because I have been going through a crazy dry spell for a while because with a baby I don't get to pick when I do anything! I'm happy to shower before noon. So picking when I would sit down for an hour to dig deep wasn't happening, so neither was my personal relationship devotional time.

So what did I do? I joined a ladies' bible study with a Beth Moore type layout...five lessons during the week and then the teaching is done on that week's homework. I thought it would lend some sort of accountability to my personal time in the Word. Instead, it made it one more thing to put on my to-do list...which turned my precious time in the Word into a chore. That breaks my heart!! It's a rut I readily fall into and then wonder how in the world I fell back into that??

So...what did I do? I didn't get my lessons done, so I didn't go to study....and since I felt like when I had any opportunity to study I should be working on my homework lessons, I didn't do ANYTHING because I couldn't find the length of time I needed to do the homework lessons. Hmmm....then I felt like I was starving to death.

So what did I do? I emailed a couple mamas off of a diaper bag forum board...yep...you read that correctly! BUT I had seen Christ in these mamas through their posts so I know their hearts, and they have young children so I know they can relate. One of them said to grab nuggets when I can....and she mailed me two "cutesie" devotional books for moms. Another one reminded me that it shouldn't be a chore hanging over my head and to take the moments as I can and otherwise spend the day with God in all my activities. And the third one suggested we start an online sort of no-pressure study but more of a way to support each other, encourage each other and pray for each other.

And NOW I LOVE my "cutesie" devotional books. I have one that is set up with weekly nuggets and one is set up for daily nuggets. And I tell you what....every one of them has spoken volumes to me and made me realize I was a devotional book snob before. So I get a little nugget and I hold onto that nugget and I think about it and pray about it and apply it all throughout the day. It's wonderful. And I no longer feel like I HAVE to get my homework lessons done. I open my book as I am able, I get done what I can get done when I can and I went to study for the first time this morning and it was incredible.

Through all of this, God has been reminding me that when I feel the fullest is when I'm reaching out to others and I have had several opportunities as of late to encourage, support, minister...whatever and I feel SO alive! :-)

This morning the study was on mercy...and the speaker used a lot of illustrations from a mission trip she took to Guatemala and it brought back to me the feeling and excitement and faith of my trips to Nicaragua. She referenced several verses that were marked in my bible from times of study on those trips and I have a newly awakened sense of missionary-ism. :-) (It's my blog, I can make up words....ha ha) I'm not sure where that will go or what to do with it, but it feels good and I'm excited about it and plan to put it into action!

That doesn't mean I will be announcing in a week that I'm packing up and moving to Africa. To be honest I don't know what it means, but I just know it's a reconnection that I was desperately needing.

Ok...this is one loooong post and if you made it this far, I congratulate you! :-) And thanks. And in a little bit I'll be posting a more light-hearted fun blog. :-)